


Murderous Halloween Clowns

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Holidays [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Autopsy, Drowning, F/M, Halloween, Joker and Harley have a good relationship, Oral Sex, Revenge, Scary Clowns, Sewers, Sex, Smoking, Some Cursing, blaming the movie IT, happy murder clowns, killer clowns, meat grinder, murderous clowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 16:23:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12391752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Joker is fed up with reading about killer clowns wandering Gotham who aren't him.





	Murderous Halloween Clowns

The hideout was fully decorated for Halloween. Harley had put up black and orange streamers, balloons, ghosts, witches and, of course, scary clown cut-outs decorated every surface, everywhere. She had made every single henchman carve a pumpkin and then she had set them all over the hideout with candles burning merrily inside each of them. A few special ones she had loaded with explosives, but those were for Halloween pranks. She even had bowls of Halloween candy all throughout the hideout so everyone could grab some candy when they came to visit. 

Tonight (a few days before Halloween), Harley was wearing a pair of bright pink and purple striped pajama pants and a bright pink hoodie that read in red glitter across the chest “The person wearing this should be in a clown suit, stuffing bodies under their porch” along with a pair of her red and black slouchy socks, her feet stuffed into her favorite pink bunny slippers. She flopped down onto the couch next to Joker handing him a large bowl of Booberry cereal, holding her own bowl carefully in her hands as she wiggled herself around on the cushions getting comfortable next to her puddin. Joker, who was in his purple and green boxers, his own pink bunny slippers (which matched Harley's) on and his purple bathrobe, took the bowl absently with one hand, his eyes scanning over the local Gotham paper which he held in his other hand. He scanned the paper with a narrow eyed glare before he stopped and pointed, nearly dumping the bowl of cereal onto his lap. “AHHA!! Here!! There they are again!!! Another sighting!” 

Harley had just picked the remote up to turn the television on to either watch the evening news or maybe The Bachelor, a mouth full of the crunchy cereal in one cheek, turned to look at him. “Bats?” 

Joker wrung the paper like he was wringing the neck of someone before he tossed the paper across the room sending the individual sheets flying. 

“No!! Those fucking “scary” clowns!! I know it's more than one! They've been appearing every night in different areas of Gotham. Terrorizing children and their families! Stalking young women! These...supposed CLOWNS just shows up with butcher knives or scythes and chase people before disappearing. They're up to something, I just know it. Or they're just being fucking assholes and ruining my rep!! People are going to think murderous clowns are passe! Or even worse...stupid and unscary!” 

Joker sank into the couch glaring at nothing, shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth and muttered, “There is only room for one clown in this town.” 

Harley frowned. “Don't you mean two clowns?” 

Joker swallowed. “Sorry pumpkin pie...I think of us as one, you know...like Laurel and Hardy, Lucy and Dezi...You can't have one without the other. Besides sweets, you're not really a clown, you're a harlequin...completely different. But you're right. Gotham only has room for us...ONLY us. We need to find the clowns and kill them.” Joker shoved another spoonful of cereal into his mouth and groused. “Ever since that one year with the “killer” clowns on the internet and now that movie, everybody thinks they're a comedian. I blame millennials!!” Joker spoke, flinging his spoon around in the air sending little droplets of milk flying. 

Harley frowned. She hated seeing her puddin upset and she didn't like him frowning. She reached over and took his bowl of cereal. “Let's see if I can't turn that frown upside down, eh? Maybe your pumpkin can make you feel better puddin?” Harley smiled sweetly. 

Joker folded his arms over his chest and watched Harley as she took the bowls and set them out of the way. “I doubt it. I'm in a very foul mood.” 

Harley giggled and slid off the couch positioning herself kneeling on the floor between his legs. Joker narrowed his eyes at her. Harley reached up and untied his bathrobe to spread it open. Despite the chill, he wasn't wearing a shirt underneath and Harley took advantage, rubbing her hands over his pale chest and stomach loving the soft feel of his skin under her fingers. “Let your Harley make all the fake evil clowns fade away puddin. I'm gonna make you want to smile.” She winked at him. 

Joker quirked a grin at her. “What are you doing, you little minx?” 

Harley grinned running the tip of her tongue along the top of her lip while her hands continued to explore the muscled planes of his stomach. She loved the fact that he was lean muscled and not the buckly muscles of Batman. Her eyes followed the movements of her hands over his chest and down his stomach saying softly. “Something only very special evil clowns get.” 

Joker lifted a brow at her in a perfect imitation of Mr. Spock. “Special evil clowns?” 

She giggled as she grabbed the edge of his boxers and tugged playfully. “You're my special evil clown puddin. Come on puddin—lift your hips.” 

Joker did as he was instructed, allowing Harley to slide the boxers off his hips and down his slender legs. She lifted his feet removing the striped boxers completely and tossed them behind her where the boxers hit the TV and snagged the corner to hang like a limp flag, obscuring the face of Jack Ryder, the new reporter who was currently on the screen. 

“There now, that's better,” Harley purred grabbing his knees before running her hands up his hairless thighs, then down again. She leaned close rubbing her tongue along the soft flesh of his inner thigh, then she bit him, not hard enough to hurt, just enough to send shivers up his spine. 

“Mm...Harls..” Joker purred. 

Joker pressed back into the couch cushions, watching with baited breath. Each touch of her tongue, or her teeth made his erection that much harder. A grin tugged at his red lips. His harlequin. 

She is was so beautiful with her gold hair, big blue eyes and her perfectly shaped lips. She ran her hands, her fingers spread wide, up and down his thighs, then over his hips and along his stomach. She sucked on her bottom lip as she watched his erection, slowly becoming harder still. She liked the way he curved just a little, the way there was this slight tint of pink when he was hard, the smoothness of his burning flesh against her lips, her tongue. She glanced up meeting his eyes with a playful grin before she leaned in low and pressed her tongue against his scrotum. 

Joker's eyes rolled, his face contorting with pleasure at the feel of her warm wet tongue licking over his skin. Her hands massaged his inner thighs making their way closer, her hands rested at the apex of his erection, her tongue and lips playing with his scrotum in a way that was sending a vibration up his core. Then, when she made a little humming growl, Joker groaned. He could feel the vibration racing up his erection. He reached down to stroke his fingers through her soft hair. Joker pressed his teeth into his bottom lip, arching his hips slightly while his fingers curled around her hair, marveling at how soft her hair was between his fingers. She was wearing her hair loose right now so that when she bobbed her head, the thick locks brushed against his skin sending an addition thrill through him. Harley smiled at the gentle feel of his pale fingers caressing her hair. He was always so gentle—unless she didn't want him to be, then he could be rough...erotically rough. She grinned to herself...just might have to play rough...later. Right now she was enjoying herself by sucking on him and listening to the little grunts and groans of pleasure coming from her puddin. The little noises he made, the jerks of his body made her groin ache to be touched by him. Until then she was going to enjoy what she was doing now, which was making him weak, pliant, and happy. She ran the flat of her tongue along the underside of his erection, licking her way up his hard length slowly. 

Joker's head dropped back with a low moan. She was right, he thought, she knew exactly what to do to distract him from his problems and she was oh-so-good at it! Harley wrapped her hand around him, feeling the satin hard heat of his erection in her hand. She ran her teeth over her bottom lip glancing up at Joker, his hands still lying gently in her hair before she wrapped her mouth around him again, her soft warm lips pressing tender kisses against his head, then her tongue rolled over the smooth flesh, coating him in saliva. 

Joker bucked with a groan. Her lips were soft, her tongue warm and wet. His eyes rolled to the back of his head when she pulled her soft lips up his length, feeling the sweet pressure of her sucking on him, the way she managed to take nearly all of him in her mouth...pulled her lips up, then slowly down again, her tongue moving, weaving or twirling along the sensitive skin under his penis at the same time—it was enough to kill a man, he thought. Joker groaned louder, arching his hips to meet the pull of her lips, his fingers tightened in her hair then loosened, stroking her hair back from her face gently as he once again looked down at her to see her watching him. Those wicked blue eyes of hers watching his face. Joker smiled at her, that special smile that he reserved only for Harley, his girl. 

Harley smiled taking all of him into her mouth again, slowly, her tongue lavishing him, wetting him thoroughly with her saliva. Joker's fingers in her blonde hair tightened when she pulled hard up his length, the edges of her teeth tickling erotically before she pressed her lips to the tip, wrapping her hands around him and twisting gently, her saliva making her hands slippery. Joker groaned arching his back, his fingers twitching in her hair. Harley did a combination of sucking and twisting her hands for a few more beats before she stopped. She leaned back, sitting on her haunches to grasp him gently in her hands slowly running the tips of her fingers along his pale member. Harley traced him with her fingertips, caressing the head of his shaft, brushing the pad of her thumb along the senstive underside of his erection, stopping at the tender skin at the top before rolling her thumb over the head. 

Joker opened his eyes only partway, watching her through half-lidded eyes while she played with him. Harley licked her lips grinning at him, leaning down to use the tip of her tongue to roll around the head of his shaft in a slow and sensual circle. She wrapped her lips around him once more, sucking slow and gently, then hard and fast, twisting her hands on his pale member in tender yet forceful circles. 

Joker groaned loudly, his fingers stroking along her face, feeling the way her cheeks hollowed when she sucked, his whole body nearly sliding off the couch. 

Joker groaned and pleaded. “Harley stop!! Please!! I want you!!” 

Harley giggled. Her favorite words in the English language, please, and I want you. Okay, favorite phrase: I want you...every time he said that simple three word phrase, “I want you” Harley shivered with delight. That she could bring the clown prince of crime down to begging always made her feel especially good. 

She stood up grinning broadly. “Feeling better puddin?” 

“I will once you get over here and ride me like a Topple tower ride Harley!” Joker giggled and grinned, his hands out making gimme motions. 

Harley giggled and started to sway slowly pulling her top off over her head doing a striptease for him. Joker slouched back watching her with a grin. He gazed at her creamy breasts when they were exposed, licking his lips just before he gave Harley an enthusiastic wolf whistle. “Come on baby, take it all off!!!” 

Since he didn't have dollar bills to toss to her, which he would have if he had had them right there, he reached over and threw bits of dry and slightly damp cereal. Harley jumped when a piece of wet cereal hit her in the stomach. “Hey!” 

“Sorry pumpkin!” He chuckled while Harley stuck her tongue out at him and muttered. “Be good or I won't get on the ride.” 

Joker pouted, sticking his whole bottom lip out. “You wouldn't do that would you Harley poo?” He batted his eyes at her. 

Harley giggled and told him, “Be good.” 

Joker grinned like a little boy. “I will!” 

Harley grinned back and continued stripping, hooking her thumbs on the sides of her pants, swaying while she shoved her pants, plus her underwear, down to her ankles before stepping out of them. She did a little spin before stopping in front of him. Joker wrapped his hand around his member staring at her. “Touch yourself Harley,” he whispered in a husky voice. 

Harley smiled licking her lips, her blue eyes dancing. “You do the same puddin.” 

Harley said “puddin” in such a way that Joker felt himself melting into the couch. She pulled at the “pu” sound then caressed the rest of the word over her tongue. Joker groaned. “Harls...” 

She grinned catching her bottom lip between her teeth while she slowly ran her right hand down her torso. Joker stroked himself slowly watching the way her hand traveled down her soft skin. His gaze followed intently the movement of her hands as she grasped her breast with one hand, her other hand sliding between her legs. Joker ran his tongue over his lips watching her rub her fingers between her legs or gazing at her rolling her nipple between her fingers, her long blonde hair falling around her shoulders, her beautiful mouth open while she panted softly and locked gazes with him. 

Joker growled. He wanted her badly but torturing himself was fun too. 

Harley watched him, watched the way his pale hand moved up and down on his member; she found it erotic watching him. She wanted him inside her badly, her groin aching with the need to feel him pierce her. 

Harley stopped touching herself long enough to walk over to him. Joker stopped to stare at her, watching the way she weaved her hips toward him, the light dancing and caressing her pale skin. Harley crawled on top of him, straddling his lap. Joker shifted his position to give her more room. She sat back on his thighs, one hand grabbing the back of the couch beside his head, and with her other hand she grabbed his erection, using the head of his erection to start rubbing herself again. Joker gasped when he felt how wet she was already. She tossed her head back, her blonde hair falling over her smooth back. She leaned dangerously far, spreading her legs and giving him a good view of what she was doing. Joker watched intently while she rubbed the head of his shaft against herself. 

Joker reached up and cupped her breasts, squeezing them together, watching the way the silky softness of her breasts squished making him grin. 

Harley cooed. “Oh puddin...” 

Joker responded with a groan. “Mm...Harley...” 

His hands felt good, slightly rough in places, warm...he rolled his thumbs over her nipples back and forth in a slow, sensual motion. Harley groaned rubbing him harder against her, a little faster. Joker had to bite his bottom lip to prevent himself from cumming already. The thought of bursting all over her filled his mind and it almost did him in, but he wanted to feel that hot slickness of being buried inside of her more, which allowed him to hold himself back. 

His eyes continued to rake over her watching her every movement, the flush of her cheeks, the deep reddish pink of her nipples as he rubbed and pinched them. Listening to the sound of her panting breaths, and the lush rosy red of her lips...every inch of her was exciting, thrilling...his precious harlequin. Joker's smile widened further...his girl. Harley continued using him, the feeling of her hand snug around him, the wet slipperiness of her rubbing him against her clitoris was almost too much. Joker hissed with pleasure, the ripple of her rubbing sinking through him until he ached. That was the moment she came with a loud cry, just when he thought he couldn't take it any longer, when he needed to be inside her. 

“OH puddin!!! Uhh...” Harley cried out. “Uuhh...puddin!” 

Joker reached around to grab her, pulling her closer, holding her against him when she came. 

“Harley.” He said her name softly, almost sweetly. 

“Oh my puddin!” Harley giggled. 

She wasted no time holding him in position to slide herself down his length. “Now I'm ready to ride the Topple tower puddin.” She giggled then moaned when he pushed into her, filled her, expanding her. 

Joker's hands on her hips convulsed when she lowered herself down on him, her muscles clamping around him, the slickness of her sliding down, coating him with her fluids forced him to bite down hard on his bottom lip in order not to orgasm. 

Harley wrapped her arms around his shoulders, leaning her forehead against his, her blue eyes staring devotedly into his eyes. Joker held her close looking into her eyes with just as much devotion while Harley started to grind her hips against him making little gasps of pleasure. Joker widened his legs, planting his feet more firmly on the floor so he could thrust up bouncing her on his lap, pulling her closer to lick her breasts. 

Joker giggled. “You're just the right size to be on this ride sweets.” 

Harley groaned mixed with a laugh. “Oh puddin...my puddin. I love this ride!” 

Joker grinned giggling softly. “My pumpkin pie...you feel so good baby. Mmm... Fuck me Harley...fuck me.” 

“Oh puddin yes!!” Harley rolled her hips driving herself down hard on him causing them both to jerk with their combined pleasure. 

Harley gave Joker an impish grin arching her back into a supple curve, dropping her hands to his shoulders and lifting her hips, pulling up until she was dangerously close to pulling off of him all together, before gradually sliding back down, slow enough that he felt every inch of himself entering her. The sounds of flesh smacking against flesh, the slight wet sound of their bodies meeting, filled the small living room over the sounds of the TV news. 

Harley rolled her hips gradually building up speed, thrusting faster against him while he thrust up penetrating her as deeply as possible. 

Joker held on to her hips, squeezing the soft roundness of her, panting along with her. “Uuhh...Harls...uuh...” 

“Uuhooh puddin!! Mistah J! Yes, yes!!” 

Joker rotated his hands around to grab her ass, squeezing, enjoying the bounce of all of Harley's wiggly bits. He hissed at her. “Cum for me Harley...cum for daddy.” Harley threw her head back, her eyes rolling closed. She thrust faster, harder, her hands spasming on his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin leaving deep marks on his pale flesh. She started to pant quicker, grinding until Joker was dizzy with the need to release, to reach his peak. Harley suddenly cried out, her whole body tightening around him in such a way that he thought the little minx might cause him to blackout. 

“Uuhhh... Puddin....uuhh...” Harley cried out. 

Joker groaned loudly, feeling the flood of fluids from her with her orgasm, the sloppy wet sound of their fucking became louder...which sent Joker over the edge, he jerked upward, bursting inside her with a cry. “Harls!” 

His cry mixed with hers as the two of them came together. 

Harley bounced up and down on him a few more times before she collapsed against him, dropping her head to his shoulder, nuzzling his neck. Joker grinned wrapping his arms around her tightly, holding her against him. Joker's whole body became liquid, ultimately relaxed, other pretend killer clowns stalking Gotham were the last thing on his mind at the moment. Now all he wanted to do was snuggle with Harley. 

Harley purred, nibbling at his tender throat, her little tongue coming out to draw damp lines along his flesh. “Mm...puddin that was so good.” 

Joker chuckled. “Yes, yes it was...wanna go back to bed and see if we can do it again?” 

Harley giggled. “I thought we were going to go rob that jewelry store downtown tonight, the one that's got that big rock...The Jewel of Africa or something like that?” 

Joker sighed. “Nah sweets, it's on display for the month. We have plenty of time. Right now I want cuddles and more fucking! You have endless tickets for the Topple tower ride!!” 

Harley giggled nuzzling his neck and nibbling at the corner of his jaw. “Oh, fine by me Mistah J. I do so love circus rides!” 

Joker chuckled giving her a squeeze before he stood up, carefully stepping out of his boxers and without slipping out of her, carried her laughing to the bedroom. 

* 

A few mornings later it was Halloween, (or early evening, which was their morning.) Harley woke slowly, a contented smile on her lips. She had her head lying against Joker's pale chest. She didn't open her eyes, instead she listened to his heartbeat and the steady up and down of his breathing. They were planning on some mischief tonight, not sure exactly what, but that was the thrill of it! To go out and see what happened! Granted the B-man would be out in force this evening with his little cronies of tiny bats and birds, but that just made it that much more fun. How much fun could they have without getting caught! 

Harley felt the change in his breathing that signaled that he was awake, plus the gentle shift of his hand, his fingers stroking her hair then down her back. “Ready for some fun tonight Harls?” he asked softly, just a little sleepily. 

“I'm always ready for some fun with you Mistah J,” Harley purred in response. 

Joker chuckled, pleased. “That's my girl.” 

Harley beamed when he said “my girl,” a phrase that always made her happy. 

* 

Harley made them a hearty breakfast of eggs, sausage and toast along with some good strong coffee. Joker was in a good enough mood that he ate a good deal of her cooking and even helped wash the dishes without her fussing at him. 

* 

Harley had just finished dressing. Today she was wearing black and red tights with a little black and red baby doll style dress with puff sleeves and a mock corset along with a pair of red and black ankle boots. She had carefully applied her make-up, going for a more sinister “doll” look for Halloween. She had just finished tying her hair up in pigtails which she was now braiding, tying off with red and black ribbons when she heard Mistha J yell from the other room. 

“Oh GOD DAMN IT!” 

Harley tied off her pigtail braids and hurried into the main room. Joker was in their living room with the TV on and the local Gotham news was playing. He looked quite handsome tonight Harley thought in a new black suit with a black jacket cut to accentuate his slim waist and black tails that stopped just behind this knees, very “circus ring leader” look, along with a black vest with green accents that ran along the ribs, and black and dark grey striped pants, his black oxfords, white spats and a black top hat with a purple ribbon around it that Harley had found for him when she robbed a costume shop a few weeks back. 

Right now he was stomping around seething. “THOSE FUCKING CLOWNS ARE OUT THERE TERRORIZING PEOPLE ON MY FAVORITE NIGHT HARLS!! THEY ARE GOING TO DISTRACT BATS FROM US AND I JUST CAN'T HAVE IT!!” 

Joker grabbed one of Harley's mallets that was sitting against the wall. Harley knew exactly what was about the happen. She dashed across the room somehow managing to grab the mallet just as Joker threw it at the TV. She grabbed it, the sudden awkward weigh dropped her to her knees and slid her across the floor dropping the mallet to make a small crater in the floor, but she had saved the TV. 

Joker hissed. “I'm going to fucking kill them Harley! All plans tonight are canceled until I find these fucking clowns and make an example out of them!!” 

Harley grimaced. “Okay puddin, whatever you want.” 

Joker turned to glare at her, his eyes narrowed dangerously. “We are going to find each and every one of them and I'm going to shoved my gun so far up their asses that they'll be spitting out bullets for a week!!” 

Joker grabbed his hat, shoved it onto his head, then grabbed his white gloves that Harley had just noticed lying across the arm of the couch, shoving his hands into them before he stomped to the door. “Come on Harley, we have clowns to kill.” 

Harley made a little “meep” sound, grabbed her mallet and hurried after him. 

* 

Somewhere in Gotham, four friends, all dressed as clowns, decided to meet up and exchange stories before splitting up again to cause a little more Halloween chaos. Chase, a big football-type, dressed to look like the Tim Curry clown Pennywise from “IT,” chuckled lighting a cigarette. “Oh man you should have seen those kids scream and run when they saw me standing at the end of the street with a plastic butcher knife. It was fucking hilarious! One of them even fell, bloodied his knee! Took everything in me not to laugh. Got out of there though before the parents called the cops. Though I don't think the cops are taking us seriously, which is fucking sweet! Gives us free reign tonight!” 

Brandon, dressed in a polkadot outfit and a bright orange clown hair wig snorted. “I bet it wasn't half as funny as me walking out of the alley with these balloons.” The skinny young man yanked on the string of red balloons. “Made a bunch of fucking preschoolers bawl and scream. Got chased out by someone's dad, but man it was fun.” 

Skylar, who looked to be a cross between a clown and mime, his face make-up only slightly resembling the clown from the movie version of “IT” cracked open a can of beer from the six pack he was holding and took a long drink. “I was standing at the edge of the park...” Here Skylar “blurched” before he continued. “... and these stupid teens walked by on their way to a party. I chased them for half a block...should have seen them run!” Skylar chuckled, slightly drunk. 

Trip snorted. He was dressed in a bald cap with a little hat sitting on his head at a jaunty angle; reached over and snagged one of Skylar's beers. He was carrying a plastic scythe over his shoulder. “I chased a buncha girls. Man it's great watching them run in heels, their boobs nearly falling out of their costumes. If I manage to catch one tonight, who knows what will happen.” Trip chuckled and Skylar bumped his shoulder in a shared laugh, while Chase gave Trip a high-five. “Now that's what I'm talking about! Getting us some ass before the night is over!” 

Trip grinned nastily. “Whether they wanna give it or not.” 

The four men cheered each other. 

* 

Harley had stolen a gorgeous black and red Buick skylark 1972 convertible just for tonight. They had all sorts of deadly treats in the trunk, but now those plans were scrapped in pursuit of the fake deadly clowns that were giving Joker and Harley a bad name. Harley had her eyes narrowed, her arms crossed over her chest angry that these...fakers...who were ruining their Halloween. Joker had the radio on, tuned to a local Gotham station, Radio Gotham WGTU, thinking they were funny...the radio station was keeping tabs on the location and sightings of “killer clowns” throughout Gotham. Joker had the top down and he drove angrily with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and growled occasionally. He glanced down at the radio and snarled. “From what these fucks are doing, it sounds like there are maybe four of them Harls. The rest sound like amatuers, but there are four of them that are doing the most damage.” 

Harley frowned. “We gonna kill all four puddin?” 

Joker grinned sliding a glance sideways at her. “Of course sweets! Why do a job only half way?” 

Harley giggled. 

Harley turned the radio up as the DJ laughed. “Your radio host, voice of the dark side of Gotham Fat Man, has some news for you ghoulies and ghosts! There's been a sighting in the downtown area where kids are hitting all the local stores. The clown, dressed like dear old Pennywise, was seen walking down the middle of the street. So if you trick or treaters want a good scare, go down there and grab a pic of the killer clown! Whoever sends us a picture will have it featured on our webpage and will win some tickets to see Gotham's one and only local band Weeping Clowns! So call in and tell us about your killer clown sightings. And if anyone sees the Joker tell him he has some competition this Halloween!” 

Joker spat his cigarette out. “Downtown did he say?” 

Harley giggled. “Let's go get him puddin!!!” 

Joker chuckled. “Oh yes, let's Harls, let's go show our friend some real killer clowns.” 

* 

Chase had to duck down an alley when he started laughing. He had come up behind a group of pre-teens whose chaperone had gone into a convenince store for something. The kids had wanted to stay outside and go through their bags of candy. It had been too tempting not to scare the shit out of them. Chase had creeped up silently to stand right beside them and when they caught a glimpse of him they had run screaming into the store. The looks on their faces! 

Chase leaned against the brick wall of the alley laughing when a pair of headlights blinded him. He frowned and put his hand up shielding his eyes and yelled. “HEY FUCKTARD!! GET THAT FUCKING LIGHT OUT OF MY FACE.” 

That was when Chase heard a laugh. It started out low, then gradually built. Chase's eyes widened. He had heard that laugh on the news...and he started to shiver...it was the Joker, the Joker's laugh...but then in the next second he dismissed that idea. It was just some fucker trying to mess with him. 

“Yeah, you're real funny asshole!! Think you're the Joker, hahaha! Why don't you come over here so I can kick your ass!” Chase invited with a smirk. 

That was when he heard a sound like old metal, then a car door open and slam shut. He took several steps back as a figure emerged from the shadows and stepped into the light. As the figure approached Chase saw a gorgeous blonde woman dressed like a doll in red and black with a large mallet over her shoulder. She was chewing bubblegum and blowing bubbles, popping pink bubbles and grinning. 

“Heya asshole. Mistah J wants a word with ya,” she said in a cute little voice. 

Chase cursed under his breath taking a step backwards. Harley giggled and rushed him, swinging her mallet at the same time. 

* 

When Chase came to again, he was confused. He blinked several times trying to focus his vision, but everything seemed to be swimming and he had a royal headache. Then he heard a voice. 

“Hey sugar, time to wake up! Come on! Wakie wakie, eggs and bacie!” 

Then he felt a slap across his face. “Wake up sunshine! Mistah J has something to say to you!” 

Chase was able to focus on the beautiful blue-eyed woman with the doll-like face and the huge mallet over her shoulder. She grinned at him. “There ya are. Mistah J!! He's awake!” 

Chase watched confused as a man dressed in a black ring master's suit and a black top hat stepped into his field of vision, and that was when he realized that the man in black was actually, the real life, one of a kind...The Joker. Chase's eyes widened in shock watching as Joker grabbed the woman around the waist, yanked her up against him and kissed her. He kissed the woman hard enough that he leaned her back causing her to drop the mallet to the floor with a loud bang, her arms going around his neck. She brought a leg up and he grabbed her thigh wrapping it around his waist, his tongue exploring her mouth while his hand slid down her thigh to grasp her rear. 

It took Chase several seconds to realize that the woman must be Harley Quinn. Chase started to struggle, trying to push himself up, but he was dizzy from the bludgeon to the head he must have taken and he also realized that he was tied down. He tried to look around; he was at an angle, his head facing downward, his feet pointed up and he was tied up. Other than those two things, Chase couldn't really see where he was or what he was laying on, only that it felt hard. 

When Joker released the woman, he tugged playfully on her bottom lip with his teeth before releasing her. She giggled merrily, bending over to retrieve her mallet before scampering out of view. Joker turned to face Chase with a huge grin on his face. 

“So, Killer Clown eh? IT? What's your name?” Joker smiled pleasantly. 

Chase stuttered. “Ch-Chase, Chase Hansville.” 

“Well, Chase-Chase Hansville, did you think you were funny? Running around scaring little kids?” Joker reached over and ran a finger through Chase's face paint, examined his finger before wiping the makeup off on Chase's chest. 

“Well...ah...yeah?” Chase frowned in confusion. 

Joker nodded. “You know...Chase...It isn't funny scaring little kids. You know why? Too easy. No challenge. And you know what else Chase? I fucking hate people trying to move in on my audience. Gotham only has two clowns. That's it! Only two—me and Harley. And you Chase, and your friends are really annoying me. I mean you're taking all my press AND on top of that Harley and I had this really wonderful date night planned for Halloween. A night of Halloween explosions and deaths, but instead we are having to drive around Gotham and take care of you and your fellow Killer Clowns.” 

Joker frowned looking sad. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes from inside his jacket knocking one loose. He glanced down at Chase. “Want one?” 

Chase stuttered. “N-no thank you sir.” 

Joker chuckled. “Sir? Really?” He put the pack away with a slight shake of his head and pulled out his lighter. “So Chase, how many clowns are there?” 

“Just...just four sir, including me. Skylar, Brandon and Trip.” Chase said hurriedly. “We, we are all fraternity brothers.” 

Joker lit his cigarette taking a long pull on it, blowing out a ring of smoke before he looked down at Chase. “So where are your friends going to be Chase?” 

Chase stammered. “Trip and Skylar, uh, they are heading down to the Gotham University campus to scare some girls and Trip said they were gonna try and corner a couple. Brandon said he was heading over to Robinson Park where they are having that party for kids! He's planning on hiding in the bushes and scaring a few.” 

Joker smoked on his cigarette with a contemplative air for a few moments before he smiled. “Thank you Chase darling, you've been a great help. Harley, throw the switch!” 

“Sure thing puddin!!” Harley's voice came from somewhere in the room. 

There was the sound of a heavy object being shoved and then the high pitched mechanical whine of machinery coming to life. That was when Chase started to move; whatever he was lying on started to slowly carry him upwards. Chase started to yell. 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!! I TOLD YOU WHAT YOU WANTED TO KNOW!!! LET ME GO!!!” 

Joker followed beside Chase while his body was carried up the belt. “Wanna hear a joke Chase? What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog?” He grinned at Chase who was panicking more as the seconds ticked by. “Stop touching my buns.” Joker snickered. He sighed when Chase didn't laugh. “Well, Chase, I'm sorry darling, but you and your friends really pissed me off.” Joker said the last of the sentence with venom yet with a wide grin while Chase continued to be carried further upward and away from him. Joker gave him a cheery little wave with his fingers. Chase started to scream and thrash, wild with fear. 

Joker chuckled softly walking over to Harley who was watching Chase travel up the conveyer belt while leaning on her mallet. Her blue eyes showed that she was slightly upset. “You know puddin, I don't think I'll eat hot dogs ever again.” 

Joker put his arm around her waist turning her around and away, just as Chase dropped into the meat grinder. “You know sweets, that is probably a very good idea.” 

* 

Brandon had stopped on the way to Robinson Park and picked himself up a couple of six-packs of beer. He was sitting half in and half out of the bushes by the Halloween carnival that was going on in the park, the sounds of spooky carnival rides, ghosts and goofy/creepy Halloween music filled the air, mixed with the sounds of children laughing and squealing. His large red shoes were sticking out of the bushes as he guzzled his fifth beer, tossed the can aside and pulled off another can from the remains of the first six-pack. He was starting to wish he had gone with Trip and Skylar. Granted the idea had been to spread as much “terror” around Gotham as the four of them could tonight, but making little kids scream was getting boring. Though, Brandon thought, those last ones had been pretty funny. He had lunged at them, a group of ten year olds, emerging from some bushes by the side of the cotton candy machine, and laughing hysterically. They had been so scared one of them had wet their pants and started to cry. Brandon had thought he might wet himself laughing at the kid. That was when a parent who had been grabbing the kids some cotton candy had decided he was going to beat the shit out of him. Brandon didn't think he was going to get away from the parent, but he did, throwing a trash can down in front of the guy. The man had hit the trash can, going right over the top of it, smashing his nose into the hard ground, bloodying his nose. It had been pretty hilarious with the kids bawling behind him. 

Brandon chuckled, laying back in the bushes, his mind wandering to thoughts of a couple of hot women in skimpy Halloween outfits, boobs bursting out of their tops...Brandon sighed taking a sip of his beer wondering if he could catch a cab and meet up with Trip and Skylar when suddenly he was grabbed by the ankles and yanked out of the bushes. 

Brandon sat up. “What the fuck?!” 

He saw a gorgeous blonde dressed in red and black like some sort of twisted doll. He grinned, ready to say something sleazy when he noticed the mallet over her shoulder. She grinned at him. For a split second Brandon saw someone else emerge out of the darkness behind her, a tall thin man dressed all in black, with a black top hat, milk white skin like a wraith and red lips, with a smile that stretched from ear to ear. 

The woman grinned, blowing a bubble with some bubblegum and popping it. “Hey Bozo! Ready to play?” That was the moment she swung that mallet at him. 

* 

When Brandon woke, he could taste the coppery flavor of blood in his mouth. He groaned, his eyes fluttering open. When he opened his eyes he realized he was hanging by his wrists in almost complete darkness. There was a light, a wall light that gave off a weak urine color yellow. He could see a line of these lights along a wall to his right leading off into the darkness where he could see several large vats of liquid that looked a putrid greenish-yellow color. The next thing that hit him was the smell, the heavy putrid stink of sewage, a combination of feces, urine and sweet rotten garbage. 

Brandon started to struggle, which only succeeded in causing his body to whip around in a circle. “SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF HERE!!” His voice echoed hollowly off concrete walls. 

That was when Brandon heard the sound of an eerie laugh that seemed to dance on the creeping silence and play with the echo so that the laugh was everywhere and nowhere. 

“Hehehee!! I have a joke for you sonny. What's worse than ten dead people in one trash can?” Brandon, his body slowly turning in a circle, saw a man and woman step out of the darkness. Brandon knew exactly who he was seeing...The Joker and his woman Harley Quinn. They were both smiling at him each time his body rotated around hanging suspended over one of those vats of sewage that Brandon could see in the dim light. 

The Joker chuckled continuing with his joke. “One dead body in ten trash cans!” 

Harley burst out laughing along with Joker. “Oh puddin, you're just a riot!!” 

Joker grinned at her wrapping his arm around her waist and yanking her against him. “Ah Harls you are my best audience.” Joker kissed her, then walked with her up against the rail that ran around the vat, kissing her even harder, both arms going around her, squeezing her rear and pressing her hips to his own. 

Brandon was terrified. “What...why am I'm here? What do you want?” 

Joker released Harley and turned a pout on Brandon. “Didn't like my joke?” 

Harley frowned putting her arm around Joker's waist. “I thought it was funny puddin.” 

“Maybe our friend likes songs instead. Harley?” Joker looked down at her with an eyebrow raised in question. 

Harley giggled before she sang out. 

“There once was a man named McBride. 

Who fell in the sewer and died. 

The same day his brother 

Fell in another, 

And they were interred side by side!” 

Both the clowns laughed. Brandon, still slowly spinning, yelled. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?! LET ME GO!!!” 

Joker sighed, leaned on the railing, and looked up at Brandon with concern as Harley scampered off. “See my dear, you and your little friends have been running around Gotham all month scaring people and dominating the local news, which I really cannot have...so I'm here to send a message...a final message, but a message all the same. Gotham only has one crown prince clown of crime and that's me.” Joker pointed at himself. From somewhere in the water treatment plant, Harley's voice echoed. “And Princess!! Princess Clown!” 

Joker grinned and called back. “Sorry Harls!! Princess Clown!” 

Both men heard Harley's happy giggles while Joker continued. “So, you see, here is my issue. You and your friends just really got under my skin...” Joker snarled. 

“I won't do it again, I promise!!! Just please let me down!” Brandon pleaded. 

Joker smiled. “Sorry darling, but you and your friends just give clowns a bad name.” Joker motioned with a white gloved hand. “You heard the man—let him down, Harley!” 

The large warehouse was suddenly filled with mechanical sounds, then Brandon realized he was being slowly lowered down into the raw sewage below him. Brandon struggled kicking his legs and twisting his body. Joker leaned on the rail watching the young man slowly being lowered, a wide cheerful grin on his face. “This should give you a few moments to reflect on your poor life choices... Brandon.” 

“How...how do you know my name?” Brandon shrieked, his attention fighting between the sewage below him and Joker leaning on the rails watching him, giggling off and on. Joker stood up and reached into his jacket pulling out Brandon's wallet. Joker wrinkled his nose examining the wallet. “Not much in here Brandon old buddy...just fifty bucks, which thank you...pays for the gas to drive you to your death, and an old condom. Sad really, but thanks for the fifty.” Joker grinned at him tossing the wallet into the sewage. 

Brandon screamed. “I'M SORRY!!! LET ME GO!! I'M SORRY I'LL NEVER DRESS AS A CLOWN AGAIN!!!” 

Joker smiled, content in his decision. “Nope, you won't Brandon, you really won't.” Joker giggled. “How do you save a man from drowning? You take your foot off his head!” He burst into a full belly laugh at his own joke before he called. “Come on Harls, still have a busy night ahead of us. Have fun Brandon!” 

The young man watched in disbelief as Harley raced from around the vat and into the Joker's arms just before his head went below the surface of the sewage. 

* 

Gotham University campus was starting to die down as Halloween parties broke up and students returned to their dorms or had already headed home. A cold fog was rolling in off the water from the river; the fog and chill lent an eerie a feeling to the university grounds. 

Valerie and her best friend Sarah were walking along the sidewalk heading back to their dorms. They were both slightly tipsy and dressed in skimpy costumes; Valerie was a stripper angel and Sarah was dressed like a Playboy magazine bunny/devil cross. The two young women were wearing six-inch high heels and were wobbling dangerously while they made their drunken way home. 

The two women giggled and leaned against each other while they headed down the paved walkway when suddenly two clowns just seemed to appear from out of nowhere on the sidewalk in front of them, one of them with a scythe in his hands. The two young women stopped in their tracks, their drunk hazed gazes going wide. The clowns took two steps toward the young women. The two drunken women let out screams turned and ran as best they could. 

The clowns laughed and started to give chase. Trip snorted. “Skylar, get them to go down there, between the buildings—its a dead end!” 

Skylar snorted. “You got it man.” 

But no sooner had the two young men started to really run after the girls, when a young woman dressed in red and black jump out of the bushes to block their path. 

She grinned wide at them, a large mallet held over her shoulder like a baseball bat. “Hey boys! Wanna play with me?” 

Trip and Skylar stopped in their tracks, exchanging a look. Trip grinned giving her an up and down look, noting the cute figure and the decent sized bust of the woman in front of them. “Hey sexy what kind of game you wanna play? Wanna fuck a couple of scary clowns?” He elbowed Skylar in the side who grinned too. “Yeah pretty...wanna share?” 

The young woman walked up to them, her hips swaying side to side. She giggled and leaned forward making sure they both had a perfect view of her cleavage. 

“So how about we play a game of whack a clown!!” 

Trip was about to ask if that was code for something... when Trip felt something, a presence behind him. He turned at the exact moment that something hit him on the across the side of the head. Trip hit the ground without a sound, never seeing what struck him. Skylar let out a high pitched scream as the woman in black and red took a step forward, her foot at a 45 degree angle with a perfect rotation of her hips, rolling her foot to the side as she completed the swing with her mallet, striking Skylar along the side of his head with a fairly loud “crack” of the mallet. 

Both men went down on the sidewalk in clown-shaped heaps. 

Harley laughed and jumped up and down squealing. “Nighty night, Weary Willie!!” 

Joker stepped out of the bushes grinning ear to ear. “Let's load'em up Harls! Let's go teach our friends here a little lesson in performance.” 

* 

Trip came awake slowly. The very first thing that he was aware of was that he was naked, and next, that every inch of his body hurt and his head felt like a gong was continually going off inside it. The next thing he realized was that there was a cold metal table underneath him and that he couldn't move. He also realized he couldn't blink his eyes. He tried to struggle, but nothing happened. His eyes were open, held open by what felt like tape on his eyelids sticking them to his eyebrows. He couldn't really look around, it was as if he eyeballs refused to move, not that the lightning in here was very good. 

The lighting was a kind of icy grey, making everything around him seem as if it were in a fog or maybe it was his vision? Trip couldn't be sure. He felt sluggish, heavy...strange. What he could see of the room from his prone position, was an claustrophobic room that had old, off white tiled walls and there were metal cabinets against one wall that reflected the dull light back into the room with an eerie glow. He could see a large lamp over him and a metal slab next to him where his friend Skylar laid unmoving, naked as well, his skin looking almost grey in the dim light. Trip struggled again trying to make his body respond to him, but his body refused to obey him. 

The blonde he had seen earlier at the university stepped into view with a bounce in her step. She grinned brightly, leaning on her elbows next to his head, her pretty face close enough to kiss. He could smell her too, a mix of candy and vanilla. 

“Hey boyo. Welcome to the Gotham City morgue. Lucky you, since it's Halloween, ain't nobody down here—yet. Plus me and Mistah J have a few friends in the coroner's office, so they left it empty for us.” She chewed on a piece of gum and blew out a large pink bubble, popping it next to his face. 

“Now, I bet yer wondering why you can't move? Well sugar, lucky for you Mistah J is a top-notch chemist. My puddin's got a genius level IQ and he cooked up a little drug for you boys...okay, well he had it anyway, but you two are lucky because he chose to test it on you and I got to administer it!!” She grinned happily at him. 

“Anyway, my puddin came up with this fun drug that makes you look like you're dead. Ain't that a hoot?” She grinned prettily. 

She blew another bubble and popped it. That was when Trip heard laughter. 

“Oh Harley!! I have the toe tags ready!!” 

Trip watched in horror as the Joker came into his field of vision holding two paper tags. 

“What names you put on them?” Harley popped up to stand next to Joker. 

Joker was chuckling so hard that he was almost in tears. “Well this one is going to be Hugh Jass and our other friend over there is going to be Mike Rotch.” 

Harley snickered. “Oh puddin, those are terrible!!” 

He grinned wrinkling his long nose at her. “I know!” He handed her one of the tags. “Here ya go pumpkin.” 

Trip lost sight of them then he felt the blonde wrapping something around his big toe. A few seconds later the blonde—that he now knew was Harley Quinn—and the Joker came back into view. Joker's smile was wicked. “Now, wanna hear a joke? Sure you do.” Joker leaned forward with a wide grin. “Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police inspector to tell him what has happened to each of the dead men. “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile on his face Inspector,” says the Coroner. “Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile on his face.” The Inspector asked. “What of the third body?” “Ah!” says the coroner. “This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning.” “Why is he smiling then?” inquires the Inspector. “Thought he was having his picture taken,” says the Coroner.” 

Joker and Harley began laughing. Trip could do nothing but stare in horror. Joker smiled at him. “Not funny? Ah too bad...one should always go out on a laugh.” Joker wiped a finger across his eye wiping away a tear. “Now, this is what is going to happen. My lovely assistant here...” Harley did a curtsy. “...Has arranged all the paperwork so that when the coroner comes into work in a few hours...or less...he is going to find that he has two autopsies to do right away!” Joker put his gloved fingers to his red lips in shock, while Harley giggled and popped her gum. Joker continued. “You and your friend will be able to do nothing...I mean you are dead, after all. You'll just be able to feel everything that happens and I mean...everything...up to the point you really die.” Joker giggled. Harley wrapped her arms around his and grinned up at Joker. “Oh puddin that's so funny!” 

Joker laughed. “I know!!” 

Trip tried to move, tried to make some sort of noise, but he could do nothing but stare, stare while the two clowns laughed. 

Joker grinned at him. “See, this is what happens when you try to muscle in on my thing boys, my audience, my Gotham. I know Oscar Wilde said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness and it's true. You are your friends really ticked me off. I am the Clown of Gotham.” He glanced sideways at Harley when she elbowed him. “Sorry, make that two clowns.” Harley smiled back at him before Joker continued. “And as Conor Macleod said in the movie Highlander—the first one...the others are complete trash—anywho...as he said” “There can be only one!” Or in Gotham's case, two...there can be only two clowns!” Joker grinned chuckling. 

Harley leaned over Trip and popped her bubble with a cute little smile. “I blame the movie “IT” puddin...gave too many people too many ideas.” 

Joker nodded. “True, true...clowns in sewers really? Wouldn't catch me dead in a sewer...it's murder on the outfits!” 

They both laughed again with Trip staring on in horror. 

Joker took a deep breath, occasionally snickering as he wrapped his arm around Harley's waist. “Come along Harley, Halloween isn't quite over yet! You boys understand Halloween is about tricks and treats...well consider yourself tricked boys! Enjoy your trick while I go and enjoy a treat!!!” 

Harley reached over and grabbed the tape holding his eyelids open, ripping it away. Trip wanted to scream as the tape pulled out hair from his eyebrows, but he could do nothing while his eyes closed against his will. The last he heard of them, Joker and Harley's laughter echoed down a hall as the two clowns left singing. “This is Halloween! This is Halloween!!” 

* 

Harley was driving when they left the Gotham City morgue, heading toward downtown. There were still late night Halloween parties going on and a few stragglers from trick or treating, usually teenagers out long past the time they should be home, but otherwise the streets of Gotham were relatively quiet. 

“So puddin, yah wanna go crash some parties? The jack o'lantern explosives are still in the trunk.” 

Harley glanced sideways at Joker while she drove, the cool evening breeze whipping her pigtails back. Joker was leaning back, his shoes propped on the dash while he smoke a cigarette, his top hat resting between them. 

“Nah Harley. I think I'm ready to wind down for the night.” 

Harley pouted. “Not even a little treat?” 

Joker turned to look at her. “What did you have in mind sweets?” 

Harley grinned. “We could drive over to that old vaudeville theater where they have a late night showing of Rocky Horror and make out in the front seat of the convertible. It's not much, but it would be fun. I've never had a convertible before...” 

Joker chuckled smiling at her. “I suppose we could...nice way to end the night with my girl.” 

Harley giggled happily turning the wheel and heading toward the old theater. 

* 

The theater had been built in1927 as one of the biggest and best vaudeville theaters in Gotham and its architecture, Italian Renaissance, was one of Harley's favorites. There where still lots of people in costume roaming around here despite the late hour and music could be heard in the distance, probably from a bar or restaurant. Harley drove around a little before she found the perfect parking space right along the theater's western side. She pulled the car in and turned off the engine, the lights going out. This area wasn't well lit, the few streetlights flickered weakly, a perfect place for a mugging...or for something a little more intimate. 

Harley reached down under her seat, sliding the seat back enough so she could turn around and face Joker. The seat came to a stop with a jerk. She then licked her lips having tossed her gun into the backseat and her gum over the side. 

“You ready for your treat puddin? I think you deserve a big one after all that work on tricks you pulled tonight.” Harley twisted around, coming up on her knees and grinned ear to ear. 

Joker smiled, facing her fully, his arm draped across the back seat. “You think Bats will know it was us?” 

Harley laughed. “Sure thing! No one kills people with as much flair as the two of us!” 

Joker chuckled. “You're right...you always are!” He waggled his eyebrows at her. “Back seat now!” 

With a laugh they both crawled over the front into the back seat. Joker grabbed her, pinning Harley down against the wide leather seat grinning from ear to ear. 

“Mm...my sweet little doll,” he hissed at her with a giggle causing his words to dance. His long fingered hands snaked under her dress reaching for the leggings. “You might want to take these off Harley before I'm forced to rip them off.” 

Harley giggled, her eyes filled with mischief. “You wouldn't?” 

“Oh I would!!” Joker grabbed fistfuls of her tights and before she could wiggle out from under him Joker tore the thin fabric, the sudden sound of ripping material made Harley yelp. “Puddin!!!” 

Joker chuckled tearing the tights away until they were not only in two, but hanging off her legs. 

Harley gave him a pout that was hard to maintain because of the grin on her face, pushing him off of her so she could maneuver herself out of her shoes and toss the remains of her tights to the floor of the car. 

“I really liked those!” Harley stuck her lip out. 

Joker giggled, sliding out of his jacket and pulling his gloves off with his teeth. “I'll get you another pair!” he said tossing his gloves to the floor and unbuttoning his vest and shirt. Harley giggled as she unlaced her corset and with a little bit of a tricky movement, she unzipped her dress sliding it down her shoulders before she kicked the dress off with her feet when she had slid the garment down her legs. She wore no underwear beneath her costume which Joker found himself being extremely thankful for. She laid back against the seat completely naked except for her face makeup. Joker stopped in the process of unbuckling his pants to stared down at her. 

“Mm...the best candy there is...” He chortled. Harley giggled and squirmed under him. Joker shoved his pants down and dropped on top of her. 

“Come here pumpkin pie!” 

Harley squealed. “Happy Halloween puddin!”


End file.
